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Hungry Magazine - All Things Tasty
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03.09.06

You Know, It’s Hard Out Here for a PEEP®

Food History


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peep floating

I like to bite their heads off first.

When my nose gets near the sweet tang of artificial yellow sugar crystals, my Ozzy Osbourne instinct takes over, and it’s lights out for the PEEPS®. It’s cruel I know, but like Ted Nugent points out in his practical cooking tome, Kill It and Grill It, when there’s an overpopulation, animals face an even crueler fate of starvation.

Consider the facts:

First manufactured in the 1920’s by the Rodda candy company, and handmade by squeezing marshmallow through a pastry tube, it took twenty seven hours to manufacturer one PEEP® in 1953. This was about the time the Just Born corporation took over the process and automated and mass marketed the adorable chick with the brown dotted eyes. Now Just Born hatches a PEEP® every six minutes.

Approximately one billion Peeps® will be produced this year, enough to circle the earth twice.

It takes approximately 9,000 vertical PEEPS® to equal the height of Taipei 101 in Taiwan, and approximately 8,000 vertical PEEPS® to equal the height of the Sears Tower in Chicago.

Since it’s just cruel to let PEEPS® languish on the shelf hardening like bacon clogged arteries, you gotta do something.

It would take far too much effort to build a PEEPS® skyscraper. There aren’t any existing blue prints, and since the manufacturer only gives approximations, it sure would be embarrassing to get to the top of the skyscraper and find out you’re a few PEEPS® short.

You could always donate your extra PEEPS® to science, or to the candy porn industry. Google it and you’ll find that some earnest “food scientists” have subjected unsuspecting PEEPS® to stress tests, injecting them with hydrochloric acid, sulfuric acid, liquid nitrogen, and pummeling them with a sledgehammer. The scary thing is that much like the fabled cockroach, or a Twinkie, PEEPS® are survivors. Floating them on a vat of acid does little to compromise their fluffy sugar coated bodies. It may be that the gelatin and Carnauba wax coating preserves the soft underbelly of the hearty peep.

Did I mention candy porn? There is also an industry of folks who take pictures of PEEPS® in compromising positions and write Harlequin inspired tomes.

Rest assured, my love for PEEPS® is a healthy one. The peep, for me, is an unmistakable and ubiquitous reminder of childhood. I spotted my first crinkly cellophane swaddled box at my friend Pete’s when I was seven. Pete’s parents worked a lot and compensated for their presence through commerce. Pete and his brother, Mike, were the first kids on the block with cable television and the first kids with a computer. Thankfully Pete’s folks didn’t believe in babysitters either. When we weren’t overdosing on the Justice League of America cartoons, we spent hours in front of a Texas Instruments TI99/4A that looked like a typewriter on Slimfast. Pete, Mike, and I would spend hours popping PEEPS® in our mouth and playing Hunt the Wumpus, a text based game along the lines of the more famous Zork. Trying not to overwhelm 8 bit assembly code, we’d type phrases like “take sword from stone”, “fight bad guy with sword”, and finally when we were bored and wanted to satisfy our juvenile predilection for violence and cussing, “kill self” or “go to hell.” Inevitably, the programmer anticipated this possibility, and programmed an unsatisfying response such as “you can not do that” or “don’t use that kind of language”. Inevitably, we grew tired of Wumpus, because every few minutes, you had to flip the tape over. This was before disk drives. We moved on from Wumpus to Super Mario, and finally to Sonic the hedgehog, but the one constant that always remained, the ample supply of PEEPS®.

My childhood is no different than most, rumor has it that Ellen Degeneres and Emeril Lagasse are big fans. I was not able to reach Emeril for comment. In the spirit of full journalistic integrity, I didn’t really try. My guess is he serves them up with a lot of “gaahlic”.

For the record, I prefer them lonely and unadulterated. If you get them alone, it’s much less stressful for the rest of the brood when you take that first bite.

8 Comments on "You Know, It’s Hard Out Here for a PEEP®"

Nina Rubin

At 53 years of age, I still cannot pass of a box of PEEPS when I sse them at teh supermarket! They always bring back such found memories of my youth adn are jsut so sweet soft and yummy!!!



Olaf

I love them, too. At my house my dad and I are the only ones who eat them, but we do so with gusto. My mom thinks we’re strange.



Consumatron

I subject my peeps to cryogenics by placing them in my freezer and popping the cold gooey delights at my leisure. Come Christmas, I still have a bit of Easter (and my childhood) cowering in the corner behind the venison and half-eaten Ben & Jerry’s. Speaking of ice cream, I find that slicing the cold peeps up with a serrated knife and adding them to a vanilla-based flavor works wonders.



Margaret

Have you ever tried peeps-microwaved! About 35 seconds for one peep and then scrape off and twirl around a fork and you have a delicious, crunchy toasted marshmallow tasting treat.



ErosLane

My favorite thing to do with Peeps is to skewer them.

If I have a party to go to, I’ll arrange them on a plate, push toothpicks through their heads. Then I’ll take that tube of red Betty Crocker icing that every grocery store has, use the fine tip and decorate the Peeps as if they are bleeding from the wound.

Oddly, the adults don’t devour the bloodied Peeps, but the kids sure love ‘em! Plus it is the perfect excuse to save a box or two for Halloween. :-)



D.H. Lee

You know, I’m afraid you guys are going to maul me, but I’ve never liked Peeps and always thought they were really, really, gross. I like Marshmallows in general, never thought of them badly, but seriously! I know there’s like a huge Peeps following and I find that totally hilarious. I’m partial to the sugarbomb Cadbury Eggs, the ones that make you go into diabetic shock just by staring at them.



Felicis

Peeps, ahhhh I do love them, even when they make your teeth scream and your heart pound in your chest, your cheeks get flush..from the sugar outfits they wear…I also love that they come in soooo many colors now you can coordinate them with your gift basket, outfit, etc. I can’t believe the candy porn what a riot, why can’t I think of these funny ideas….



matt

Go Candy Porn Go. Espcially Pink and Yellow together in a compromising posistion. Mabye even make an advetisement. Also freeze them with liquid nitrogen.



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